G is for Ghost Writer




Number 7 in The A to Z of the Writer’s Affliction, part of the A to Z blogging challenge.

I was recently contacted by one of my readers, Algernon Worth, who not having a blog himself, asked me if I could post an appeal on his behalf. So here it is:

Hello, everyone. My name is Algernon Worth and I’m looking for a ghost writer. I would like him or her to write the story of my life. This is a challenge because my life has not been interesting. Over the years there have occasionally been moments that I have found interesting myself, but few other people share that opinion. In my view, that makes the opinion itself interesting, but no one else agrees with that appraisal. My wife and children assure me that apart from themselves, nothing of interest has ever happened to me. However, should anyone wish to take up the challenge, I would be extremely grateful. I provide here a few biographical details.

After leaving school (Nogglepool Comprehensive), I entered a firm of Chartered Surveyors, Nibbleton and Grimshaw, where I worked all my life until I retired four years ago. Not being keen on travel, I have rarely ventured beyond the environs of Nogglepool. During my spare time, I make matchstick models. I made my first, a miniature chair, at the age of 15. Over the years, I became more ambitious. In my garage are models of the Eiffel Tower, HMS Victory, the Abominable Snowman, the Kalahari Desert, communism, the complete works of Shakespeare and my own garage, containing miniature models of my models. My current project is the universe, on which I have been working for eleven years.

I recognise that as a life, it lacks the drama of a Captain Scott or the bulk of a Winston Churchill. However, I am confident that as soon as the ghost writer understands the beauty of matchstick models, he or she will bring to life in fascinating detail the art of making them. This belief stems from the fact that writing a book, I am reliably informed, is a very similar process. You stick one sentence onto another and when you have 4284 sentences stuck together, you have a book. And you say to yourself, ‘Ah! How pretty!’ Then you put it in the garage and the next day you start another.

Candidates for the position of Ghost Writer are requested to contact me at algworth.gmail.com, stating how many sentences they have stuck together and how many books they have in their garage.

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        • You mean already published on your blog? Well, I suppose an anthology could always include some new material as well. But initially I was just thinking of a pdf to make it easier for me (and others) to read at leisure, using a site like Issuu for example.

          • Thanks, somehow this comment went unnoticed by me, thanks for the suggestion, I will definitely try out this option ! Thanks for your encouragement,means a lot !

          • You’re welcome. I mentioned it because some days I don’t have time to give your stories all the attention they deserve – it’s the nature of blogging. But I’d like to read them all at the end to get a better idea, more continuous.

  1. Hello Algernon. I think your hobby sounds fascinating. I’m afraid I’m not very skilled at sticking things together so I won’t offer myself as your ghost writer. However, I know of someone who holds regular dinners for interesting people like yourself. A certain François Pignon is also invited. I think you’d find you have a lot in common with him. Good luck with the universe.

  2. Y reconize that to match sticks and make a ship, church or whatever is difficult, but…. MUCH more defficult is to write a novel, is not so easy to put together xx sentences and..wow!!! the book is finished. Lucky you if anyone writyes your story!!!! and less a Ghost!!!
    Bravo Curtis!

  3. Very funny!

    You had me going there for a minute,

    Mai Black

    On Fri, Apr 8, 2016 at 9:35 AM, curtisbaussebooks wrote:

    > curtisbausse posted: ” Number 7 in The A to Z of the Writer’s Affliction, > part of the A to Z blogging challenge. I was recently contacted by one of > my readers, Algernon Worth, who not having a blog himself, asked me if I > could post an appeal on his behalf. So here it” >

  4. I’m afraid the garage is not a hospitable place for books, Algernon. Much better for sentences, tho. Good luck finding a gummer to stick those life’s sentences together for you! 🙂 P.S. Curtis, I especially love the deadpan and seemingly out-of-place matchstick model of “communism.”

  5. Haha… I might not be able to help with the writing or matchsticks, but I DO kow the answer to life, the universe and everything if that helps?

    • Thanks for the tip – hadn’t thought of that. It might be a great help to Algernon, if he realises that really he only needs 42 matchsticks.

  6. I see an opportunity for a skilled photographer. Imagine a coffee table book of Mr. Worth’s matchstick models. Or perhaps a coffee table pop-up book of said models. I encourage him to step up his time table on the Universe model if he wishes to include it in a publication during his lifetime. Perhaps a sneak peek at the communism model will convince any agent with an imagination to represent Mr. Worth.

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